Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
