The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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