Yo dont text me then not text me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
