So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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