Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
id be glad to
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize