Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
