Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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