sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
