Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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