I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
