This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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