if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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