In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
