the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
