Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
