gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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