So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its not stalking. its research.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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