A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
