I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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