If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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