Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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