Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
