You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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