saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your dad touched me again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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