i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
