He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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