I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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