so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
