Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
