We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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