and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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