I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
