now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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