even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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