i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize