I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
