the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
