I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
