i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack