I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.