you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
