"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
