We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
