I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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