we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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