when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
