He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found your dick twin last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
