I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
