Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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