So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize