Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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