There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
