i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
