a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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