She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
