Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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