i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
