i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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