I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
