I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
