I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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