Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were destined to go to rehab together
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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