We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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