How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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