Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
