Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
