i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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