the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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